Jennifer Lawrence’s best friend writes hilarious account of being her Oscar date

So it turns out Jennifer Lawerence has an IRL best friend… and she’s not you. Upside? She’s funny, clever, self-deprecating and a worthy Shirley to JLaw’s Laverne. The lucky lady is model Laura Simpson, and over the weekend she posted a first hand account of her trip to the Oscars as Jennifer’s date on her My Space page (who knew that still existed?). And yes, Simpson was the unlucky lady JLaw used to break her dramatic red carpet fall.
Shanghai night field

Photo: GETTY IMAGES

Simpson’s account of a normal person crashing the Oscars is by far the most entertaining recap of the event you’ll read. It’s full of self-awareness “I somehow managed to make an entire event having nothing to do with me all about me and my precious feelings” and feel-good fan-girling “Cate Blanchett looks like a mythical princess from a faraway land. Pictures do not do this woman justice, I felt like I needed to curtsy in front of her.”

Here’s the highlights.

On her dress:

“The day before the Oscars I had a fitting with Dior where I got to try on some beautiful dresses. I was between two dresses: the Carrie Bradshaw all-you-can-eat dress and the Angelina Jolie sexy leg kimono. I really wasn’t sure if I would ever get back to the Oscars so I let my inner Carrie Bradshaw take over and went with the dress with eight pounds of tullle.”

On JLaws fall:

“We finally arrive at the red carpet and as we exit the car, my date eats sh** and uses my freshly done Lauren Conrad up do tobreak her fall.The crowd goes wild. There are flashbulbs and people circling yet no one asks if I need any help because unless you are famous at the Oscars, you are completely invisible. … The only time anyone talks to you is if you are in the way of his or her photo.”

On the long, slow show:

“Basically everyone in the theater is just sitting in complete darkness during the categories. It’s hot and you feel like you’re going to pass out. After waiting for my date’s category, her dad and I decide to hit the bar and just watch from the monitor behind the bar and slam a few drinks to make this tolerable. The Academy really needs to spring for more hors d’oeuvres options because now everyone is hammered.”

On meeting Brad Pitt (!!):

“Brad Pitt smells amazing, like nothing I’ve ever smelled. Eventually we ask what cologne he’s wearing and he tells us, ‘I don’t wear cologne, it’s just my musk I guess.’ I have to choose not to believe him because it would just be unfair to mankind.”

AndBill Murray (!!!!):

“I … decide to follow Bill Murray around the party. At one point he looks in my direction and winks at me while dancing to ‘If You Want My Body and You Think I’m Sexy’ by Rod Stewart — a moment, I now realize, my whole life had been leading up to.”

Treat yourself and read the whole thing here:MySpace

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